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Ozzy And Sharon Osbourne Visit Howard Stern (3/23/2005)

After the break Howard brought up the news about Barry Bonds talking about not playing baseball. Howard played some audio of him lecturing the press about how they finally brought him down and made him ''jump off the bridge.'' Howard moved on to Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne who were there to visit. Howard was afraid he was going to lose them as guests since they were scheduled to be on Monday. Howard said they stayed in town so they could do the show. He said he wants Ozzy to divorce Sharon though. The two of them were looking very skinny so Artie wondered if Ozzy was ''cocaine skinny.'' Ozzy told the guys that he's been sober for over a year and he hasn't been taking any of that stuff. He's also off of the psychiatric drugs that he was on and he's feeling much better without them.

Howard told Sharon the reason he thinks Ozzy should leave her. He said he's a huge supporter of Ozzy's, not like the Johnny-come-lately Jay Leno who probably doesn't even watch their show. Howard said he worships Ozzy but he's been watching their show on MTV and Sharon doesn't seem to listen to Ozzy. She goes out shopping like crazy and he would have to throw her out of the house if it was his wife. He said that Kelly and Sharon go out shopping and come home with all kinds of clothes and you can see the pain on Ozzy's face when he sees that stuff. Ozzy said he's been trying for years to stop them but he's given up. Sharon asked Howard if she should move out so he can move in with him. Howard said that Ozzy just wants to retire and he can't do that if they keep spending all of their money. Sharon said that Ozzy doesn't have to work if he doesn't want to. She says he has enough money to survive on and he doesn't have to work. Howard asked Sharon how many pairs of shoes she has. Sharon said she's not even sure. Ozzy said he thinks she's turned into a millipede because of the number of shoes she has. Howard said that Kelly also spends too much but Ozzy said it's her money and she's earned it. Howard thinks that they should have a financial guy come in and put a stop to their spending. Sharon wondered if all of this had to do with the surgery they did on his teeth. Howard said that Ozzy always thanks him for stuff like this after the show. Ozzy told Howard he's fine though.

Howard asked Ozzy and Sharon how often they have sex these days. Sharon said it's about 5 times a week but Ozzy said he wouldn't go that far. Sharon thinks that's about right though. Howard was saying that sometimes Ozzy seems kind of out of it on his TV show and he's just trying to look out for. Ozzy said there were times when he was out of it during the filming because it just go old pretty quick. They're all done with the TV show now though. The kids have moved out but they have a home to come back to if they need to.

Ozzy asked Howard what kind of surgery he had done on his mouth. Howard told him about the two root canals and the APICO surgery he had to try and save the teeth. Ozzy said that he had a couple of teeth replaced and it's a horrible thing. Howard told them that he'd been on Vicodin over the weekend so they figured that's why he was so angry this morning. Ozzy told Howard to go back to the dentist and head butt him and tell him that's what the pain is like. He's had some horribly painful dental things done to him and he's had a lot of pain himself.

Howard asked Sharon about her puking. She says that she still throws up her food these days because of the band she has on her stomach. Ozzy claims that she doesn't even have to stick her finger down her throat to make herself puke. She can just do it at will. Howard wanted to see her do it right there in the studio but Sharon refused. Howard wanted her to puke on the couch. Ozzy was making some puking sound effects for her but she was still refusing to do it. Howard asked her to go out on stage and open up for Ozzy by puking. Sharon wasn't expecting all of that stuff from Howard today.

Howard thought that Sharon spending $60,000 for a toilet (as seen on The Osbournes) was a little bit much. Sharon said the toilet was free and she didn't spend that kind of money on it. She said she never bought more toilets like she talked about doing on that show. Howard couldn't get past the vomiting thing. Fred was playing puking sound effects but Sharon wanted to talk about Ozzy's box set and move past that. Howard figures that Sharon pukes because she doesn't want to go back to being fat. Sharon said she has this band on her stomach and it won't allow you to eat all that much, no matter how hungry she is. Howard also asked Sharon about her breasts because he thought she had implants. Sharon said she actually had them lifted. Howard told her he'd do her really good if he had the chance. Sharon told him he'd do him with a brick right to the back of his head.

Howard mentioned that Ozzy recorded ''Mississippi Queen'' with Leslie West. Ozzy said that Leslie is a hero of his and he was a hero of Randy Rhodes as well. Zolar called in a short time later as Randy and told Sharon that the thing he misses most since he died is banging her. Sharon didn't think that was very cool though. Howard moved on to talk about Ozzy's box set. He's got a lot of his old stuff and some songs that he covered like ''All the Young Dudes,'' ''In My Life,'' and ''Working Class Hero.'' Howard was going to play them so Sharon was trying to rush him along. Howard wondered why she was so angry with him. She said she wasn't but asked him to just play the CDs. Ozzy was still making the vomiting sounds for Sharon. Ozzy was also telling Howard that his son Jack is banging everything in sight these days. He said he comes home sometimes and you hear his bed squeaking. Then he said you hear that puking sound after. Fred was having fun playing some more vomiting sounds as well. Howard went on to play Ozzy's cover of ''Mississippi Queen'' from his new box set ''Prince of Darkness.'' Howard loves that song and thought his version was good. He also played some of Ozzy's cover of ''All the Young Dudes.'' He told Ozzy that sounded good as well. Howard said that there are 4 CDs in the box set. Ozzy said that there are 39 songs. Artie said that's a CD he's going to go out and buy today.

Bobo called in and asked Howard to retell the story about going out to dinner with Ozzy at Nobu. Ozzy had gone to the bathroom and thought they were near the ocean because they had some white noise playing in the bathroom. Howard told the quick story and said that Ozzy came back and asked Sharon what ocean they were near because he heard the ocean. Ozzy even tried to look out the fake window they have in the bathroom. Howard had to explain to him that it was just a sound effect machine they had running in there.

Howard wondered if Ozzy and Sharon feel violated because they were robbed of about $3 million worth of jewelry. They talked a little bit about that and about how Jack was also ripped off when he went on a Virgin Airlines flight. Ozzy and Sharon are heading back to England to spend about 6 weeks over there. Ralph called in after that and asked Howard to play Ozzy's ''Mr. Crowley.'' Howard had a little trouble finding it so Ozzy sang one line for them. Howard eventually found it and played the song. Howard started to wrap up the interview after that. Sharon was telling Ozzy that she wanted his ''Willie'' right then. Howard said that's nice and then broke the news to Ozzy that ''Willie'' is code for his credit card. He went to commercial break right after that.


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